“Whether 'tis nobler
in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?” William Shakespeare
I took a leap of faith the other day and created a blog. All my life I have been talking about how much I like to write yet all I write is in my diary. My diary is not even under lock and key. Whatever scrap I find I randomly and inconsistently jot down my emotions and thoughts and who the heck knows where it’s filed. So, without any more pomp and circumstance, I took the leap. I was so excited but hesitant at first. I didn’t share on Facebook as I was too embarrassed and nervous. Instead I emailed my link to a select testing market (cousins, parents, sibling, and good neighbors.). They could judge and critique and I’d only shrivel a little. Or so I thought.
My test market gave rave reviews. I was elated, on cloud nine, proud of myself, excited, new life breathed into me. I began to day dream about my future book, talk shows on Oprah, Jon Stewart, Tosh O. What celebrity would I cast to play me? Sheer ecstasy at my accomplishment!
And then there was my mother.
She is my toughest critique. So I waited to hear from her all day. Finally I ran out of patience and called her. “Hi Mom, so what did ya think?”
“Well, you mean the actual writing or the blog?”
“Well, I don’t really get what a blog is supposed to be. To me it just seems like Facebook and I don’t understand the purpose of all those postings. I read them but I don’t get it. As for your writing, seemed a little choppy but maybe that is how you are supposed to write for blogs. What do I know? Just didn’t seem to flow and what about potential employers? What about that part that talks about how you don’t know if you can juggle job and kids? I don’t know. I don’t know why you don’t just keep a diary.”
I was silent and then I hung up the phone on her which was not a very nice thing to do to your mother, especially when you asked her for her opinion.
I couldn’t help it. The wind from my sails was knocked clear out of the water. I started to panic. “Oh crap. I’m out there for all of cyber space to read. I posted my picture. People can find me. I really expressed some heavy, personal stuff. Oh I feel so vulnerable! I think I am going to be sick. What have I done?”
Like in the classic movie “The Christmas Story” when Ralphie writes his theme about how he wants an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle and the teacher says, “You’ll shoot your eye out!” and he was mortified because he thought he wrote such a masterpiece; that was me. All I heard was every teacher's criticism coming to haunt me, “You’re writing is awkward, it doesn’t flow, I see what you are trying to express but you failed!”
That night I tossed and turned. I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about what a voyeuristic proposition I set in motion. I was disappointed in myself. I’ve lost focus. Thoughts raced through my mind, “I’m wasting time. This is irresponsible. Instead I should be focusing on finding a job. Instead of 50 resumes a day, I’ll send out 100. I will target 20 firms, appear in person, network so that when that job becomes available they will know where to find me. This is serious stuff. I can’t be messing around with a blog. I need employment for my future and the kids. I could be homeless in a couple of years. I’m black listing myself with my BLOG! Now no one will hire me. ARGH!! HELP ME!!”
When I woke from my fitful sleep, I felt a new sense of courage and purpose. I would throw caution to the wind and write a blog! Ideas started pouring into my head and after I dropped the kids off at school I raced to my desktop and turned it on. While it was warming up I grabbed some coffee, full of vim and vigor to start my next posting.
As I entered the office, my computer sounded winded. “Gee, it’s really out of breath.” I played around with it for a while. No screen of death but no life either. I realized this was a sign from the heavens above that I should NOT write a blog. I went to my smart phone and pulled up my blog. It was not even in existence. It had been wiped from its page. “See, divine intervention has spoken and rendered a decision: Not to Blog.”
“But wait, perhaps instead this is a sign that I need a laptop so I have easier access to write all my wonderful stories.” With renewed sense of purpose, I dashed to Best Buy, consulted with Geek Squad. They diagnosed that it was just my monitor that wasn’t working. They also highly recommend I invest in a laptop because my desktop was old.
Coincidentally and cosmically my dear friend and neighbor Debbie happened to have a flat screen monitor that worked but she just didn’t need it anymore. SCORE! So now, I not only have one computer, but two. My very first blog is up and running. I made some edits with my mother’s suggestions to hopefully make it flow and less choppy. However, Mom and I agreed I would not ask for her opinion on future postings. I shared my maiden voyage on Facebook and I am a Blogger, hear me post!
“To sleep: perchance to dream” William Shakespeare
Tonight I will lay me down to sleep, no bed bugs biting, and with a little winter chill in the air, I will sleep as snug as a bug in a rug. Goodnight.
Next week, in honor of Halloween: “The Haunting”